The Importance of Forgiveness

[Greg Newton]

As the World seems to be in a headlong spiral towards a new world order, and things change every millisecond, we as individuals have to stay grounded. And one way to keep grounded is with good ole fashioned values such as forgiveness. As I move into my 49th year, I have begun to realize that time is fleeting and life short. I have also seen the effects of unforgiveness on my life and on those around me. It eats you from the inside out and destroys your health, your mind, and your spirit.

Recently I have made a commitment to spend more time with my mom and stepdad, and my dad and stepmom. They are in their sixties and early seventies and realistically, they may not be around too much longer. After decades of estrangement, my dad and I are actually developing a sound friendship. Recently he apologized for many of the things he'd failed at in being a father, but I told him I only try to remember the good things. That wasn't always the case. I hated my father for many many years. But, when I became a Christian a decade and a half ago, I realized that I not only had to forgive him, but had to love and respect him as my father.

I won't say it has been easy, but the converse, the unforgiveness, only leads to bitterness, anger, and in some twisted way, the hatred you feel begins to grow inside your body as disease and cancer. One of my siblings still hates my dad for things that happened over thirty years ago. The past controls their every word, thought and deed. They look miserable and they act miserable, and the unforgiveness has aged them way beyond their forty odd years.

Life is too short to harbor those kind of feelings. Is there someone in your life you need to forgive?

[Andy62]

Forgiveness is as much for the person doing the forgiving as the one being forgiven. The thoughts that run through our minds really do shape our lives. A thought precedes every action or inaction. Anger, particularly old anger about events that are past is among the most debilitating of emotions because it means we are recreating those anger provoking situations over and over in our minds. Anger has a devastating effect on our health and keeps us living in the negative past. Anger is also one of the most effective control mechanisms that there is . So much of psyching and creating mental dominance in a variety of life activities from sports to business or relationships involves keeping the other person in a state of anger which limiits their ability to think and react effectively. Muhammad Ali and "don't lose your head in the ring". It isn't easy and the hardest person to forgive is the person that you are still engaged with in some on going life situation who continues to try and stimulate the anger in you. Hard as it may be; it is possible and there is no more self liberating and potentially rewarding emotional action that you can take than releasing your anger because in a perverse,but very realistic way it continues to keep you under the control of the person that you are angry with. Thoughts really do control our lives.

[MikeNY]

Greg you freed yourself, and learned the true lessons of life. Christians do love and forgive, with our eyes open. Parents are gift to be enjoyed, you reached out to your dad and made a friend openi9ng communications. God bless you Greg and well done.

[brianvw61265]

Greg, your comments about your father really touched me.

I lost my dad a year ago, and he had a fairly severe case of dementia for the last year of his life. About 2 weeks before he died, I was sitting with him in his hospital room while he was napping. As I sat there, he woke up...not just from his nap, but he became lucid as well. He told me that he loved me, and apologized for some issues from my childhood. I was somewhat surprised, as these issues were from many years ago and long forgotten, I thought.

To me, these were no longer important or even a part of my life. I certainly did not need an apology from Dad. But it was very apparent that the apology was important to him.

I hugged him, told him that I forgave him and that I loved him. As we sat there talking, he slowly fell back to sleep. That was the last clear and lucid communication i had with my father.

I feel that Dad and I were both blessed; he was blessed with forgiveness that was important to him and that he felt he needed, and I was blessed with the opportunity to provide him with a measure of relief in his time left here.

May God Bless you for your wonderful attitude towards someone who has caused you pain in the past, Greg.

Regards,
Brian

[MikeNY]

Brian that is so touching. I had great parents, and lost my mom recently and dad before her.

[John Peterson]

Hey Friends,

This is one great thread. There is true power in forgiveness. It literally sets us free and allows us to move forward in our lives freed from bitterness and adversarial hatred.

I like to think of this quote from Mark Twain. " Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it." In my mind that says it all.

---John Peterson